From Rage to Reins: How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Meets Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy for Men Struggling with Anger and Helplessness
By Martin Gendron, MACP, CCC, RSW, BSW
There’s a quiet kind of suffering that many men carry—a combination of anger that never seems to go away and helplessness that’s hard to admit. It often shows up as irritability, shutting down, controlling behaviors, or pushing people away to avoid vulnerability.
Underneath it all? Pain. Fear. A deep feeling of powerlessness.
I’ve been there.
As a veteran, retired first responder, and therapist, I’ve lived both sides of the uniform. I’ve known what it’s like to feel like your only options are fight or freeze. And I’ve also discovered that healing isn’t about erasing that anger—it’s about learning to live with it differently. This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and equine-assisted psychotherapy come together in powerful, life-changing ways.
What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?
ACT isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you stop the fight with yourself. It invites you to:
Accept what’s out of your control (your past, your pain, others’ actions)
Commit to actions that align with your deepest values
And do both in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings
Instead of trying to get rid of anger or helplessness, ACT helps you make space for them—while choosing to live a meaningful life anyway.
The Role of the Horse in ACT
Now, imagine doing this work beside a 1,200-pound animal who reads your body language better than most humans ever will.
Horses don’t judge. They don’t care if you’re angry, ashamed, or emotionally shut down. But they do respond to how you carry those emotions. If you come in full of tension and aggression, they’ll move away. If you show up numb or disconnected, they’ll remain wary. But when you ground yourself, get present, and drop the mask—something shifts. They lean in. They connect.
This is what ACT teaches, and horses reinforce in real time:
Defusion: Letting go of the grip your thoughts have on you
Present Moment Awareness: Grounding yourself here and now—because horses live in the now
Self-as-Context: You are not your anger. You are not your failures. You are the one who observes these things
Values: Rediscovering what truly matters to you—family, integrity, peace, purpose
Committed Action: Taking steps, no matter how small, that move you closer to the man you want to be
Men, Anger, and the Mask of Control
Many men were raised to believe that anger is strength and helplessness is weakness. The truth is that unprocessed anger is often a shield—one that protects us from the deeper vulnerability we’re afraid to touch. But it also keeps us stuck, disconnected, and in pain.
In equine-assisted ACT sessions, we use the natural sensitivity of horses to help men feel again, without shame or pressure. When a horse backs away, it’s feedback—not rejection. When they come close, it’s not pity—it’s trust. These moments break through the armor. They remind you that it’s safe to reconnect—with yourself, and with others.
What You’ll Learn Through This Work
How to stop avoiding difficult feelings and start moving through them
How to tune in to your body’s signals—just like a horse does
How to connect to your values and use them to guide your choices
How to respond instead of react—especially when emotions run high
How to build a life of integrity, not perfection
Healing Is Not About Becoming Soft. It’s About Becoming Whole.
You don’t need to become someone else to find peace. You just need to drop the struggle with what you can’t control, take the reins of what you can, and commit to walking the path of your values—even when it’s hard.
There’s no shame in anger. And there’s no shame in feeling helpless. But there is another way forward.
Let the horse show you. Let ACT guide you. Let yourself heal.
