Always on Alert: The Hidden Toll on First Responders—and the Healing Power of Dogs and Family

By Martin Gendron, MA Counselling Psychology, previously Medic in CAF

First responders—paramedics, firefighters, police officers, military personnel—live in a state of constant readiness. Their nervous systems are trained for it. Adrenaline is a close companion. Hypervigilance becomes second nature. They show up where others flee. They absorb chaos so others can return to calm. But when you live in survival mode long enough, it doesn’t just switch off when the shift ends. It follows you home. It seeps into family life, into the body, into joy—or the absence of it.

The Cost of Always Being On

Hypervigilance—the state of being constantly alert to potential danger—is a survival tool on the job. But off-duty, it becomes a burden. Over time, this state of perpetual alert can lead to:

• Emotional Numbness: To survive the worst, first responders often have to shut off emotions. But emotional suppression doesn’t discriminate. It also blunts joy, intimacy, and connection.

• Chronic Stress and Burnout: The body isn’t meant to stay in fight-or-flight mode indefinitely. Long-term activation can contribute to heart disease, sleep disorders, anxiety, and depression.

• Strained Relationships: Partners and children often describe first responders as “physically present, emotionally absent.” The inability to relax, engage, or be vulnerable impacts closeness.

• Reduced Capacity for Pleasure: Activities that once brought joy—fishing, playing guitar, watching a movie—can feel flat or meaningless. The brain becomes conditioned to respond to crisis, not calm.

And yet, most first responders will say, “I’m fine. This is just part of the job.”

It is part of the job. But that doesn’t mean it has to become the whole of life.

Family Life in the Shadows

The families of first responders live in a kind of parallel world—waiting, adjusting, absorbing the emotional fallouts. Kids may notice a parent who’s distant or easily triggered. Partners may feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells or waiting for emotional connection that rarely comes.

Sometimes, home life becomes another job. Another place where alertness is required.

Over time, this erodes intimacy and connection. Conversations stay surface-level. Affection wanes. Families stop asking for more, and silent resentment or grief takes root.

The Healing Power of Dogs

Here’s where something surprisingly simple can bring deep relief: dogs.

For first responders, dogs offer what humans sometimes can’t:

• Unconditional Presence: A dog doesn’t need you to talk, explain, or be “okay.” It simply stays close, senses your energy, and offers calm.

• Regulation through Touch: Petting a dog releases oxytocin, lowers cortisol, and begins to soften the edges of hypervigilance. It reminds the nervous system of safety.

• Shared Joy: Dogs don’t live in the past or worry about the future. They’re masters of the present moment. Playing fetch or taking a walk isn’t just “doing something”—it’s doing nothing with presence. And that’s powerful.

• A Bridge to Connection: For children or partners who struggle to communicate with a withdrawn first responder, the family dog often becomes a shared source of comfort and laughter. It opens the door to softening and togetherness.

Small Steps Toward Healing

Healing from chronic hyper-alertness doesn’t mean losing your edge or forgetting your training. It means remembering you’re human—outside the uniform, too.

Here are some ways to begin:

1. Daily Downshifting: Build rituals that help transition from “on alert” to “at home”—whether that’s taking 5 minutes to sit with your dog, a shower with calming music, or breathing exercises.

2. Reintroduce Joy in Small Doses: Try a hobby for 15 minutes, without the pressure to “enjoy” it. Let joy come back on its own terms.

3. Use Your Dog as a Co-Therapist: Bring your dog into your daily life intentionally. Lay on the floor with them. Watch how they breathe. Let them model relaxation.

4. Name It with Your Family: Saying “I’m having a hard time switching out of work mode” helps your loved ones understand it’s not about them—and opens the door to reconnection.

5. Consider Support: Therapy, especially with professionals who understand trauma and first responder culture, can help. Equine-assisted therapy or animal-assisted approaches often feel more approachable and less clinical for many in uniform.

Final Thoughts

You’ve trained your nervous system to run toward danger. But your healing will come from learning to walk toward calm. You deserve more than just surviving your career—you deserve to live in your life, to reconnect with your family, to laugh again, to feel your dog’s heartbeat and remember that you are safe.

You’ve given the world your strength.

Let your dog—and your loved ones—give you back your softness.